You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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