i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
