its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Are my feet made of real feet?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
