He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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