Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
