So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Damn victory sex feels great
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
