office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize