Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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