he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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