I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
no, he came in my armpit
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
