that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
