I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
