He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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