Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
