I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
