Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize