life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
