so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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