I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
