I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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