last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
