remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
