I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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