I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
