Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
