it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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