in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
