No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Randomize
