I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Randomize
