Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
this is an emotional support booty call
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
