Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
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