i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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