Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
