Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
