i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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