So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
