It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
