Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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