I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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