PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
