i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
