my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
