you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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