Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
