So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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