i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
