i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
