This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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