ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
