duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
third nipple confirmed
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
