i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Vodka?
Forever.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
