I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Randomize
