508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
