We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
This baby is an asshole
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
