just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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