I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
