Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i dont even know how to be here
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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