It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
