i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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