My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
