the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
