Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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