That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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