I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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