I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
