one two three fourrrrnication!
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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