his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
