He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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