I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
