I cockslap morals
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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