i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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