All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
