she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You pole danced in your parka.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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