btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
