i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize