i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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