Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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