It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
