wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize