Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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