are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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