so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
