Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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