The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
