i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
