I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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