i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
