she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
