Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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