I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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