I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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