so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
