what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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